I am processing thoughts right now about how Quaker community - one of our most cherished religious cornerstones - may actually work against us as a body of Spirit-seekers.
In the endeavor to live in relationship with God, the "loss of self" can be a troublesome concept. I first began thinking about this in my readings of Through the Narrow Gate by Karen Armstrong and The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. It disturbed me. I didn't want to think that all of the work I'd done, all the choices I'd made up to this point in my life would lead to my identity dissolving into nothingness. Yet, the concept persisted in my mind. What I've found is that, over time, as my desire to be at Peace grows and my desire to point to God grows, my identity rests in the moment, in listening to my Inward Teacher. What I think I should do, what I would "normally" do and by extension, who I think I am, is up to God all the time. I strive in all my decisions, large and small, to open my mind and heart to God's voice and listen. In this way, my ego has been melted and molded. Who I think I am doesn't matter. What I think I know doesn't matter. Listening matters. Trusting God's voice matters. God's voice speaks through me in gut feelings and deep, secret whispers - answering to that of God in myself.
This work is done alone. The work of letting my pre-conceived ambitions, ego and expectations about life and myself and others go, is done on the path I walk alone. The path on which I exist solely with the Divine. In one sense, we are all on our own paths, our Spirits connecting us to God, teaching us, holding us.
(Ego via Wikipedia: The Ego comprises that organized part of the personality structure which includes defensive, perceptual, intellectual-cognitive, and executive functions.)
I often perceive people's egos as standing in the way of Spirit. People's pre-determined notions, beliefs, even experiences, inform their perspective and their will holds firm to that perspective. Choosing to ignore all this in favor of "waiting in silent expectation" means a marked loss of control. But it is rewarding beyond measure to feel led and inspired and protected and loved by God in all things. Making the decision everyday; renewing the covenant, "God, in as many things as I can, today, I will listen to your voice ringing in my soul." Indeed, the work I've been talking about makes one ready to truly engage in community.
This is the work we must do. Without it, community can be just a clamor, a rabble, a racket. We are left wanting more. The desire and seeking and establishment of "spiritual community" can support us in our journeys of personal fulfillment through social activism, fellowship and creativity, but is it truly God's work? I've met and interacted with too many Quakers that engage in community out of a sense of obligation; an attitude that seems to say, "We should go through the motions of being a community because that's what Quakers do." Surprisingly, that does not lead to remarkably profound spiritual community. A preoccupation with community over the releasing of one's life to God no longer sits well with me.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
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6 comments:
A preoccupation with community over the releasing of one's life to God no longer sits well with me.
Yes, the preoccupation with community does get in the way, but . . .
the place we discover that our ego has been melted and molded is in community, not in isolation. As we "bounce" off the egos around us, we discover how much our ego is in the way. Community is a gift God uses to bring us to that place of peace.
As long as I have been listening to people talk about their spiritual and church life, I have heard stories of the folks who attend church (or Meeting) just because the family always has or because "that's what people do around here" or other social reasons.
Part of me wishes that these people could have what I consider a "deeper" experience. But another part of me understands that perhaps the social aspect of religious community may well be functioning to fill a need they have that I cannot perceive.
It's hard to tell from the outside which people are actually being made whole by a strictly social church experience and which people are just putting in time in order to fit in with their neighbors.
At the very best, my wish is that we all find our way to a place that nourishes our soul and encourages us to live better lives.
I don't know if Quaker-style community is a barrier to that or not because I don't know if there is one style that Quakers employ.
Thank you for bringing up this issue. I don't think there is ever a time when we can't be helped by pondering how our specific spiritual needs are met in or out of around or through community.
You have posted some thoughtful stuff.
cath
Bill, speaks my mind. I think that when a person is truly trying to grow towards God, bumping up against other egos can help us see our own more clearly.
Your post inspired one of my own:
http://thefriendlyfunnel.quakerism.net/?p=130 .
I appreciate all these comments VERY much. I wanted to put something at the end of my post about "how community and one's inner search for a true relationship with God" could exist simultaneously but honestly, I just couldn't put it into words. Now, with your help, Friends, I am able to conceive of how community can truly enrich and intersect with that pure, ego-less communion with the Divine. Thank you all so much. :)
I found this post very interesting as a new attender of Quaker Meetings.
For the past two months, I have absorbed and immersed myself in both my new Quaker community and the still, small voice inside- the one I never knew I had...
I have benefitted enormously through the witnessing of "that of God in every person" in my Meeting and "answering to that of God in myself.", as you so eloquently put it.
Your post gave me true food for thought and I thank you. I look forward to visitng you again.
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